Load Bearing Columns

I saw a bear once. Well, really I saw it's ass as it ran away from me. I saw a bear's ass once. At first it was startling, it was probably both of our first times and I wanted to be a gentleman about the ordeal as I rehearsed opening lines and practiced giving a slight pound to the air thinking it would set a friendly atmosphere early on, but the fuzzy little guy just waltzed right in front of me, oblivious to my presence.

As soon as he noticed me he took off in the opposite direction. I briefly wondered if I smelled bad and if so why the bear was so rude about it, and then quickly got my camera out and chased after him. I was curious. The furry king of the forest was to become my new subject of study and so I set off on a trip. An excursion of epic proportions. A hike on the Appalachian trail. I would search for my hairy comrade and befriend him, possibly inviting him for coffee sometime.

Anyway, here is a photographical diarya of my journey as I ventured into the wild in search of a friend:

Here is a small plaque of a giant, having just drunk a bottle of captain morgan's, gallantly stomping trees, possibly laughing.

I continued my search at a local indian reservation and met a man named "One who bakes Bear claws" working there. He was not the bear I was looking for.

Bear can't read. He was a fool, did not stay in school, therefore is not cool.

I happened upon this buffalo and asked him where I might find a bear, but wouldn't talk to me because they can't talk.

Instead I asked the pigs, "What's up! I loved you in bacon. Where can I find bear?" But was met will a stoic gaze that filled my soul with terror and forced me to collapse in a heap of tears and uncontrollable screams.

Finally, a sign! I followed the directions, but was only met with low quality beer and smells beyond my wildest nightmares.

Ponies are notorious for being the enemy of bears. I asked this one if I could accompany him and his gang on an attack on the bear territory, he told me, "You are weak. We don't need dead weight like you hanging around." Ponies are mean.

I talked to this french gentleman on my trek, he was very nice, but ate flies the whole time as frenchman are prone to do. It was very distracting.

My favorite animal, the ass. I've long awaited meeting this creature as it is my second favorite animal and fourth favorite bad word. She was laboriously pacing back and fourth, obviously in deep thought as donkeys are prone to do. Concerned I walked up to her and asked, "Donkey, what's wrong?"

She stopped and with a lusty glance told me, "I'm in a conundrum. As you have witnessed, I am distressed. I have been pondering the circumstance under which I, we and the whole earth was created. Was it by a just god, bountiful in love and compassion? Or a benevolent care taker who simply flipped the switch and reclined with watchful eyes. I've often felt a deep wave of depression crash over me, the ebb and flow of thought washing over my mind. What is my purpose, I ask. What is anyone's? Are we a grain of sand on the shore of the ocean in a universe made simply of will? It is a damning question and surely you have thought the same. What are your thoughts on thi-"

"I like the ocean." I replied.

The donkey sighed and slowly walked away. I didn't get to ask her where to find bear, but I don't think she knew. What does a donkey know about the ocean? Donkeys can't swim.

"Pfft." I walked off triumphantly.

And with that I was lost. Where do I turn from here? I still hadn't found bear. Perhaps I should check under trees at 6, dusk, to find the bears unaware? It's a tough call. In the end, I called it a day and went home. All I wanted to do was picnic with the teddy bears on there most sacred of holidays. The elusive bear gave me the slip once again. Until next time, da bears!